"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." ~Ghandi

I'm not sure where to even begin with this post.  My thoughts are all jumbled.  My eyes can barely see the keyboard that I type on.  ...so many tears.  

Most all of my friends and neighbors know my deep love and passion for animals and the fight I fight everyday to bring awareness to the suffering, torment & torture they experience at the hands of negligent (for lack of a better, more colorful word) people in our society.

Tonight, as I was sitting on Facebook doing my "animal awareness/networking" thing, I received a  telephone call from my neighbor.  She was distressed, I could hear it in her voice.  An animal lover and rescuer herself she knew I would understand her call.  She asked me if I had a blanket and asked if I would get in her car and come with her right away.  She needed me to help but, with what yet neither she nor I knew just yet.  In the car, she explained that earlier this afternoon she was walking her dogs and passed a house with a German Shepherd (GSD) lying in the front yard and it didn't look like it was in good shape.  She wanted me to take a look to see what I had thought.  The sun had set and it was getting dark and temperatures were only in the 40's.  It was cold.  We arrived at a house with a low, white picket fence.  I could easily see on the other side was a dog.  Laying in the grass... unmoving at the sound of us approaching the fence.  Was it dead?  Oh my God.  My friend stood behind me not wanting to trespass on the property.  That thought didn't even cross my mind for one second.  I opened the gate with out a moments hesitation.  What I saw took the breath out of my body.  I fell to my knees next to the emaciated GSD and started to cry. Sob!  The dog was very much alive.... barely.  It could not lift it's head but just tilt it to one side and lift it's nose just a tiny bit in my direction.  Slowly... gently I stroked the body of this dog that was just bones and a very thin layer of skin.  She tried to move her feet and head at my touch as if it was the first time in her life she had ever felt the kindness... the gentleness of human affection.  With my hands I tried to pour some water into her mouth.  She did her best to try and swallow the droplets that fell. As I was petting her and talking to her, we later discovered her name was Lassa, I noticed that she didnt seem to "see" me.  Upon closer inspection I noticed there was no eye!  Not on just one side but in both!  Oh dear GOD in Heaven who could let this happen to this poor girl.  No eyes, no food for apparently months, unable to move and left outside in the dark in the freezing temperatures suffering, no doubt, immensely; if not from the physical pain and starvation then from the emotional and physical abandonment.  

I wont go into detail about what we discovered about the "owners" because they don't deserve my acknowledgment nor Lassa's years of devotion and loyalty.  I will say this... apparently Lassa ended up in the front yard on the lawn by the owner dragging her by her legs.  You see, Lassa was so emaciated that she had become "stiff".  Completely unable to move.  Not even able to lift her head.

I told my friend that if they don't give her to us, I was going to come back and steal her.  One thing I was very sure of, she will not survive the night if left outside in the cold.  She may not survive the night at all no matter where she was but, I didn't want her to die alone, cold, unloved, uncared for, in the dark and outside.  

The owners gave her up to us.

I picked her up and carried her like a baby.  She weighed nothing at all.  My friend and I drove to the nearest vet with Lassa cradled in my arms like a baby and her head resting on my shoulder.  It was so sweet and tender.  I could feel her relax in my arms.  I think this may have been the first time in her life she ever felt loved.

At the vet we discovered that she only weighed 40 pounds for a dog that should have weighed 80-90lbs.  I still don't know what happened to her eyes.  They looked as if there were eyes in them at one time but, it almost looked like they shriveled up in the sockets like raisens.  

With out a doubt, the best thing for her was to euthanize her.  I cried so hard.  SOBBED!!!  All I could say was, "Good bye baby girl.  Good bye baby girl.  I am so sorry this was your life.  I am so sorry..."  I stroked her head and her ears and just kept whispering to her.  I hoped that our soft voice and gentle touch gave her even a moments peace before she left us.  I wanted her to know that someone cared for her.  WE cared for her.

She took her last breath... 

You were loved baby girl.  I am so sorry that was your life.  I am so sorry.

"The more I know men, the more I love my dog."

~Mark Twain

To Donna... I am so thankful you called me.  I am so grateful that we were able to save her from a fate worse than death.  Thank you for not trying to talk me out of taking her or stealing her if it came to that.  Thank you for understanding.  Thank you for caring enough to to do something about it.  I am so grateful that you came to me.  You are an angel.  I love you.

xoxox...

Silence is the true friend that never betrays. - Confucius

It seems there is so much that I need to express that I will be here daily until, well until I am not. 

Spent the morning in several meetings with EDD.  Too much stress.  I have a headache.  My brain feels like it's going to explode.  

I need SILENCE.  I need to meditate.  Funny, when I seem to need to meditate the most is when I find it the most difficult to let the brain just flow.

Sueños

Dreams are a funny thing to me lately.  I have never been able to remember my dreams as an adult.  In the past, if I had remembered them at all it might have just been a nightmare.  And that only happened once a year at the most.  Lately in the last several weeks, I remember having dreams every single night.  Plaguing me.  Almost tormenting me.  This is very unusual for me as I have never experienced such a thing in my life before.  No, they are not nightmares this time but... something else.  

Western medicine say that dreams are the minds way of dealing with your life.  Spiritualists say it is Gods way of speaking to you; giving you direction.  Whatever they are, they keep me sleeping well into 10 or more hours a night and I feel tired through the day. 

They are always about the same thing.  The same person.  The same subject.  ...and the pain and suffering that goes along with it.  I don't like it.  I wish it would stop. 

I need to work.  I need to bury myself in work so I don't think about my dreams.

"The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out alive."
~Robert A. Heinlein

Things that warm my heart...

• Every single thing about my dog!
• Freshly brewed coffee & hot out of the oven chocolate chip cookies
• Listening to the rain fall
• The feel and smell of freshly laundered bed sheets
• The softness of a babies skin
• The innocence of puppies & kittens
• The fire burning in my fireplace on a cold Winters night
• Being curled up in your chest as we sleep
• Getting your BBM's and hearing how much you love me everyday

xoxox...

L & L

"Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other "sins" are invented nonsense." - Robert A. Heinlein

This "Blogger" is completely new to me.  I'm not sure what I will write, how often I will write or where this will evolve into but, that is the beauty of the journey, isn't it?  So...here I go.

  

"Sometimes you just have to jump out of the window and grow wings on the way down" 

~Ray Bradbury

I have had a need lately to... express myself.  To be heard.  To be understood? Although, Im not sure to whom exactly I want to hear or understand.  

"Asking all kinds of questions, to myself, but never finding the answers. Crying at the top of my voice, and no one listening. All this time, I still remember everything you said. There's so much you promised, how could I ever forget"
~Genesis

What causes a man to destroy and devastate another human being with out provocation? With out reason or cause? ...just to inflict pain and suffering. Knowingly. Purposefully. Skillfully and with out hesitation. ...knowing that person will suffer greatly and that man does nothing to stop himself and does nothing to ease the pain he knows he is responsible for inflicting upon them. What kind of human being does this to another human being, and then just sits idly by and watches the suffering?

It is a human with no conscience. With no soul left inside of himself to tell him that he was once human himself. No soul to remind him of the pain he once suffered at the hands of another when he was innocent himself. 

...you see, I fell deeply, honestly and completely in love with a man who promised to "always be there for me. Always"  and wanted to get married and grow old together.  We had our life planned out.  Where and how we would live, children, lifestyle, you name it we had it figured out.  We were soul mates. "Perfect for each other"  as I was told every single day.  And there was no shortage of the expression of love and communication on a daily basis.  This man was everything my heart had ever dreamed of or desired.  And he was thankful and told me everyday that  "I have finally found you!  You are The One!" ...sigh.  Then one day, the day after he had just told me again, how perfect I was for him and that I was definitely... The One... I never heard from him again.  

My heart is shattered.  The pain is... immeasurable.

All of my attempts to communicate or make contact have all gone unanswered.  Unacknowledged.  Un-addressed completely.  Until one day, several weeks later,  I received several messages filled with hate and annoyance from him, yet still with no explanation to what has happened.  I have no idea what has happened and he will not speak with me.  

"The truth hurts but, silence kills."